“I stay blessed”
“I can’t wait for this class to end”
“I think the way I would sum up what I’m looking for in a relationship is just like no commitment on my end but you’re absolutely infatuated with me and don’t talk to anyone else but I can sleep with whoever I want to”
“I’m not not running for president”
“I don’t know why people are freaking out about Ben and Zeke. Let me know when they’re on year six”
“I really just am uninterested in seeing Kung Fu Panda 4. There’s only so much foreplay you can watch in those films before you’re just frustrated”